Ok maybe not EVERYTHING. But I did learn a lot.
So 11 years ago I was looking for a puppy and came across this bundle of ears at a rescue event. She had been at the shelter a month but they couldn't tell me anything else about how she had gotten there.
I asked my mom if she thought I should buy a carrier for the car to take her home and she said they always just carried their puppies in their laps. I decided to name her Ruby and brought her home. She bit and scratched me the whole way. I was like-aren't rescue dogs supposed to be grateful-did you not get that memo? :) The next few days she paced constantly. She had so much anxiety-she just wouldn't lay down and relax. I actually would put her in a crate several times a day just to give her some peace. She was also very mouthy (she would nip whenever she felt stressed which was basically all the time).
Signed up with a trainer who came to our house and observed her. They said "she's always like this? she never jumps up in your lap and cuddles". Yes she's always like this. "Well, I think you should return her to the shelter because she will never be the kind of dog you want her to be". What?! I even said to this woman-I'm a teacher. Imagine first meeting a student and telling the parents-he's never going to be the kid you want him to be. I was so offended. We had paid for 5 sessions up front and never let them back into our house.
Trainer #2 called her his little alligator because she keep untying his shoelaces with her teeth. He was all about giving her enough exercise and teaching her how to heel. We practiced and practiced but it didn't make her behavior any better. She was still nipping and still pacing. He suggested putting her on a treadmill to release all that energy. Yeah, not going to happen.
Trainer #3 called himself the Dog Whisperer for our city. He took out a prong collar and said you need to be tougher with her. You need to show her who is boss.
Trainer #4: A friend of my mom's suggested a dog trainer in her area that worked with challenging dogs. From the moment we met her I knew she was different. She understood Ruby. She channeled that nervous energy into agility training. She gave me permission to let Ruby be who she was. Maybe she was just never going to walk behind me in a perfect heel. Why not put her on a long lead at the park and let her roam in front of us? If she's nipping at you on walks-then don't take her for walks right now-you are just reinforcing that behavior. This trainer saved us.
It took a lot of work, but Ruby became a great companion. She wouldn't always listen and there were some behaviors-like barking at EVERY SINGLE PERSON who walked down our street that we could never get rid of. But when I let her be who she was and accepted that, she blossomed.
The same goes in our classrooms. Sometimes we have ideas of what we think kids should be, how they should act. Not every child is capable of conforming to that. We have to let little things go and meet them where they are.
Ruby was diagnosed with leukemia and I had to put her down today. I was thankful the vet let me go in with her because with all the distancing right now that is not usually the policy. That stubborn girl fought until the end. I am so thankful to have been home with her these past few months. I would joke that she was getting spoiled but I believe things happen for a reason. If we were at school right now there would be activities I couldn't miss-I couldn't take off for a vet visit or even just to grieve.
I am loving the messages from the families of former students who looked at Ruby like our class mascot. She even jumped up and took over class a few times during online learning. It's so hard to say good-bye but heartening to me that she will be remembered.
Anyway, remember one size does not fit all. We have to face every student with a different set of tools and do what works for them. I hear teachers all the time say things like "he does that on purpose" or "this kid won't obey". Every behavior is a need. We have to figure out what that need is and fill it. And any preconceived notions we have about how students should act need to be tossed out the window. Be flexible.
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